Sunday, February 6, 2011

I don't deserve you...I never did.


Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough you can just play pretend. When my daddy was the only boy I ever kissed. When Disney World was the best place to be. When the only movies you could see were rated G. When my biggest problem was learning to write my name and people didn't change...and my friends were the same. And every time I was sad or I had a bad day.I could just run to mom and it would all be okay. I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter. When everyone always lives happily ever after.

I'm not saying I have nothing. I'm not saying I'm gone completely. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes I feel like it's too much. I'm not going to do anything stupid because I know it will get better, it has to right? Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. But for now, just for now, it hurts.

I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now, so how can I be sure about anything?Most of the time I feel so awkward, you know, like I don't belong in my own skin, I get frustrated at everything, I could just scream and there's no reason for it, I just hate myself.

She says she doesn’t care, but her eyes tell a different story.

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